When the One You Love Becomes False Accuser

–By Brook Ardoin (August, 2018)

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Last week we completed a video series entitled “The War On Marriage”, so I was inclined to write this now as it centers on relationships and so many are dealing with the issue I will be discussing.

This piece is to shed light on what happens when your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend takes on the role of false accuser. It is to help the receiving party understand what is happening and how to handle it as a Christian.

In addition, it is to help the accuser to recognize the cause, shedding light on the pain you unnecessarily impose upon your loved one, and how to turn this problem around for good and bring reconciliation if this problem has broken your relationship.

Too many times, I have been on the receiving end of false assumptions. Those assumptions then lead to false accusations. This is typically a direct result of a person having some deeply rooted issues with trust. I have come to discover from experience that this issue will not disappear if politely swept under the rug and forgotten about.

Recently, having gone through a situation involving false accusations,  it has demanded me to take a hard look at how great of a problem this is in Christian relationships, and seek to further understand why this happens. I am speaking both to the married or dating Christian couple when I use the term “relationship” in order to save time.

This is one of the most hurtful problems caused by someone who proclaims, and does in fact love you – especially if God is involved in the relationship or even if only one is serving God while the other has fallen short along the way.

Having been on the receiving end in my Christian walk, many times I have asked, “What am I doing so wrong to be viewed in such a poor way?” I have found this most difficult to deal with being in ministry and hearing some rather crude things spoken of me. Whether in ministry or not, when false accusations come through the one who is supposed to love you, you begin to question yourself, your walk, and how others may see you.

It may even cause false feelings of guilt and condemnation upon you because if Christ shines through you as He should, then how could the one closest to you actually believe you could be doing the things they speak and believe you are a true Christian?

On the other hand, what if you are accused of something you have done in your past but have been forgiven by the Lord? Then you should never allow anyone to use past sin against you once God has removed the sin as far as the east is to the west. It is absolutely wrong for anyone to try to bring condemnation upon you for past sin, or accuse you of it by using it in a disagreement to avoid talking about the real issues at hand – especially if they use it to shift the focus of the conversation from them over to you prematurely. I have seen and been part of this before and I assure you, it will not fly with the Lord, as He does not even remember your sin.

The reality is that someone else is falsely accusing you and making you feel terrible about yourself when you have not committed the “crimes” by which they deem you guilty of.  Who could have the ability to convince your partner into believing false assumptions, then turning around and accusing you wrongly without having any regard to your innocence? In these situations, they believe what they choose to believe, and your word and voice is usually irrelevant.

The only one with a sole purpose to destroy the family unit if married or a dating relationship put together by the Lord is Satan. This thief will do everything in his power to destroy, and the worst part is he will use a loved one to do so.

It is no wonder this happens in relationships, for Satan holds the title of “The Accuser of the Brethern” in Revelation 12. When it comes to accusations, He not only causes the Body to accuse one another, causes lies to fill our own minds and have us question our salvation or authenticity as a Christian, but he also uses someone we love and who loves us back to become our accuser. This is because he is a liar and the “father of lies” and in him is found no truth. (John 8:44).

Satan shows no favoritism. Both the man or the woman can take on the role of accuser. However, more men tend to falsely accuse women because on average it is more common for the woman in the relationship to be the born again Christian and serve God faithfully rather than the man. The one strong in the Lord and in His Word will never falsely accuse. Satan targets the one weak in their walk or fallen from their walk.

So, what is happening? How or why does someone who loves and cherishes you fall into such deception as to accuse you? I will answer that shortly. First, let us take a look at Satan’s kingdom. Though he is not God and not omnipresent, he does have a large, powerful kingdom working against you or your loved one at all times. His kingdom is made of ranks and files as best seen in Ephesians 6:12. Paul tells us,

“We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of darkness of this world, and against spiritual wickedness in high places”.

Satan’s kingdom is militarily aligned, and we must view it as such to understand what is coming against us and using those we love in order to deceive them and cause pain and even destruction. This is a serious issue and any who are on the giving end of accusations would do well to gain some solid understanding as to the damage you are allowing because you are deceived. Those on the receiving end must learn whom you are truly fighting against when this occurs.

~ Principalities – The Greek word is “archas” and principalities “hold the highest position of rank and authority”. Paul lets us know that these are powerful, evil beings that have held their positions of power and authority since most ancient of times – likely since the fall of Lucifer.

~ Powers – For the second-level group known as demons and evil spirits, the Greek word Paul uses is “exousia”. This means, “delegating authority”. They receive delegated authority from Satan in order to carry out every manner of evil and in any way they see fit. They are the second in command.

~ The Rulers of Darkness of this World – Taken from the Greek word “kosmokrateros”, it is a compound for “kosmos” and “kratos”. Kosmos means “order and arrangement” while kratos means “raw power”. This means “raw power having been harnassed and placed into some kind of order”. Kosmokrateros is used to picture “military training camps where young men assemble, train, and turn into a mighty army”. When first arriving to camp, these young men display raw power. As training goes on, all that raw manpower becomes an organized, disciplined army.

~ Spiritual Wickedness in High Places – Paul uses the Greek word “poneros” to depict “wickedness” here which means, “something bad, vile, malevolent, vicious, and malignant”. This tells us Satan’s ultimate aim in his dark domain and these evil spirits are sent forth to afflict humanity in the most vicious and malevolent of ways.[1]

Next, let me go back and answer how or why your loved one falls into deception to bring false accusations. There are either deliberate or negligent sinful strongholds in their lives. Satan then easily and effortlessly enters into a wide-open door. He then only has to plant false or even evil thoughts into their mind that aid in convincing your partner into believing you are doing something that you are not.

As said earlier, it is always the unsaved one, the one fallen in their walk with the Lord, or the one on shaky ground in their walk that Satan can easily deceive in the relationship. In their minds, the accusations are as true as if they really happened.

If you are one who falsely accuses your partner, especially on a regular basis, you must stop before the consequences do great damage to the relationship. How do you stop? Above all, you must have Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, and you must have an ongoing relationship and pray, study, and obey the Word of God by doing it.

It is not enough to accept the Lord and do nothing. You can lose your salvation. If you have backslidden or become lukewarm, repent and rededicate your life to Him and start doing. If you have not taken the time to learn about your enemy, his kingdom, and how he works to infiltrate your life, then you will never have the capability to discern when demonic spirits are trying to manipulate, or are manipulating and deceiving you or others.

Finally, as a Believer in full service to God, you have the greater authority living within you. Jesus Christ has delegated unto you the same authority and power He had when He walked this earth, and more according to the Bible. You have the right to use all the power behind His name to resist and live free of demonic influence or infiltration. That name has more power than any troop in Satan’s military. He also left with you the Holy Spirit to teach you His ways and to lead and guide you into a victorious life and relationship.

You must make the conscious decision that you are going to live a life holy and pleasing to God and bear the fruits of His Spirit, rather than allow another spirit to work through you. When you bring false accusations to another, that is never God’s Holy Spirit working inside of you. According to the Bible, accusation is part of the very character of Satan. You cannot serve two Masters… choose this day whom you will serve.

What I have written will keep you from causing unnecessary pain and anguish to your partner. Why or how could you follow through with this if you love and treasure the person you are with? If you are not yet married and in a Godly relationship, you are to do no less than treat them in the love and kindness as if you were. If you have a problem with accusing your loved one, or mistrust them for no reason, then the problem lies within you, not your partner.

If you want to continue in a healthy marriage or dating relationship, then you must own your part the problem you are causing. I have laid out the who, what, why, and how to resolve the issue – if you truly love them, you will seek to get help and resolve the problem. Falsely accusing your partner is a form of abuse according to any good counselor, and it demonstrates the need for control and power. Like I said before, this is a serious matter and must be dealt with immediately.

Never allow pride to keep you from resolving any issues with the one you love…because if they are from God, you should not chance to lose such a God-given gift. A woman or man who truly loves the Lord that will love you and care for your eternal soul is a rare treasure, not found often.

In conclusion, if you are on the receiving end of this, you must recognize that it is a spirit controlling your partner. Never allow a demon to control your relationship. If you are dating and this continues to happen though you have repeatedly assured your innocence, then you may have to step away from your partner short-term or indefinitely if they do not care to change or own their problem. If that is the case, then I assure you they do not love you in a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love.

If they do love you according to the God kind of love, but have given legal right for demons of accusation to work within them, then take it to Him in prayer and if the relationship is His will, they will desire to get the help needed and reconciliation will come. Even if the two of you must part for a time, God is in control and the separation will only help to strengthen the relationship once mended.

If you are married and dealing with this, then you must openly communicate. You definitely want to seek Christian counseling if it is ongoing, and with someone who understands how demonic spirits work. You may have a long and difficult road ahead, but with prayer and faith, remember that all things are possible with God.

Brook Ardoin

 

References:

[1] “Sparkling Gems from the Greek” by Rick Renner, pg. 398, 399.

 

 

 

 

 

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